About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
