The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
