i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
