I hate all girls vehemently.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize