next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize