Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
