He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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