So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize