I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
