i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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