i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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