I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so let's talk penis.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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