The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize