let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i think i just lost a toe
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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