they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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