why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
