I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
