My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
