I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize