My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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