so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
