Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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