okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
