nut hugger
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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