Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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