Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
