She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
