Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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