i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
