So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
