I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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