I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
