Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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