I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
