sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
