i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's never too late to be topless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
