I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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