we have pet lesbian snakes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
