I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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