I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
