we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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