so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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