She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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