I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
