i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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