Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
