i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
