Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
