So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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