i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
