when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
