apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
