Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
