bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
