she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
