I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
