Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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