I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
