know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
