She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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