just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
