white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
