I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
