i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
