I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
