Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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